kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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