Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
