I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
