Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
