Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
