I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
