Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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