he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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