Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
