I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
