Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
