I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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