Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
