the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
