Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
