How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
