If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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