i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
