im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
