yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
