apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
