Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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