why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's never too late to be topless.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
