**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think my fart just growled at me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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