i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
