You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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