i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
