it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
