He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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