I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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