Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just cropdusted the office
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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