Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
