these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
