I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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