I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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