We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
