Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
