im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
