I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
