Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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