Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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