i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
