Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
