Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
