yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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