I hate your face
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize