you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
