the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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