the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Pants are for mortals
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
