I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
