Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
