He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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