They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
