I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it's great music for shaving your balls
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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