I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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