Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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