So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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