Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize