You smell like stripper and shame
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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