All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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