I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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