I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
