I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
