I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
