I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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