I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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