i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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