I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
