Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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