so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
