i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
